Marriage

If love is following God’s word, then how does this work out in our marriages and families? When we love the Lord we follow His word. This is not legalism. We are not doing this to be saved, but because the Lord’s love is in our heart. It starts with the matter of who we should marry. The Bible says we should marry in the Lord and not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (1 Cor 7:39, 2 Cor 6:14).

It is good to get to know the person before we agree to marry them. We should be aware of what they are truly like and whether the Lord is first place in their life. We should also choose a hard working person. Eleazer prayed for a wife for Isaac, that it would be the woman who drew water for all the camels (Gen 24:18-20). This was a considerable amount of work. He was not interested in a lazy girl. A lazy person does not love the Lord.

Love and companionship are important in a relationship. We should marry someone we can be friends with, with whom we like spending time. We should have similar life goals, or at least both desire to go in the same direction in life. This does not mean we should have the same skills, character or professions, but we should have the same overall goals in the Lord. We must be able to work as a team.

In marriage one is not greater than the other. Husband and wife work as a team. This means love and respect from both towards each other. The Bible says man is the head of the house, which means he has final responsibility before the Lord (Eph 5:23). This headship is to serve, love and care for his family in a responsible manner. He has no right to harm physically or mentally abuse his wife or children. He must give his life for his wife, which means gently care for her and love her dearly (Eph 5:25).

The woman should have an agreeable attitude and not be contentious. A contentious woman with an argumentative spirit is a great burden to any person. The Proverbs say it is better to stay in the corner of the roof than to dwell in a wide house with a contentious woman (Pr 21:9). The contentious woman destroys her house with her own mouth and ruins her marriage and family (Pr 14:1, Pr 31).

Both husband and wife should learn not to want their own way, but the Lord’s way. They should yield to each other so the Lord’s will is done in their lives. There is no reason why two people who love the Lord should break up and divorce. The claim of “irreconcilable differences” should not arise when two people yield their own desires to the will of Jesus. “A cord of three (Jesus, husband and wife) cannot easily be broken.” (Ecc 4:12).

“For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall be one flesh.” (Gen 2:24). Any husband and wife who allow their parents to control their family are under the devil’s yoke. The husband is the head of the house, not his or his wife’s parents. Their parents should support and show a godly example in all things, but they must not usurp authority.

We should listen to our parents, respect and honour and love them and follow godly advice, but not allow them to rule over our family. If any of our extended family requires us to go against the counsel of God’s word we must rather obey the scripture regardless of the outcome. Put God and His word first at all times. This biblical truth is not altered by any person’s culture.

There should be healthy sexual expression in a marriage. Both husband and wife should seek to please each other and not demand from each other (Pr 5:15-21, 1 Cor 7:3-4). Sex is honourable in a marriage and there should be no taboos, restrictions, traditions or laws hindering it (Heb 13:4). The ceremonial restrictions in the Law of Moses have no legalistic application to Christian marriages. What counts is love. Love does not seek its own, but seeks the other person’s good.

The Song of Solomon describes love in marriage relationships. The song is about a woman whom Solomon wanted in his harem. The woman however had a true love who was a simple shepherd man. She did not want to be included in the vanity of Solomon’s riches and meaningless sexual relationships. The song expresses sex, friendship and love in marriage. We should marry for love.

Divorce is permissible if one partner forsakes the marriage covenant through infidelity, abandonment or life threatening abuse to spouse or children (1 Cor 7:15). In such cases the believer is permitted to remarry, but there should be counsel from godly elders who honour the scriptures. The Lord does not permit divorce and remarriage on any other basis (1 Cor 7:10-11). However, divorce and remarriage is not the unforgivable sin.