Children

Children need love, knowledge of the word of God, discipline and educational training suited to their skills. Parents must be in agreement as one team, or the children will see the division and hypocrisy, or manipulate one parent against the other to get their own way.

Love means that the parents live according to the will and word of God. If we love our children we obey the scripture. Our life is the example the children need. We teach them with our life. He who pleases himself in the decisions he makes in life, rather than lives from the love of the Lord, hates his children. Love also means the parents are present with their children and do not delegate them to others while they spend their time selfishly.

Teaching the word of God to our children is crucial. It is one of the most common commands in the scripture concerning family. Final responsibility rests with the father to ensure this is done effectively. Deut 6:5-9 told the Hebrew to teach their children the word of God diligently at every opportunity, daily (Deut 32:46-47, Josh 4:5-7).

The Hebrew word for diligently means to carefully explain so that the children understand the real meaning of God’s word and that it sinks into their heart. This is the responsibility of the family, not of the church or school. The children must know the word of God, know what it means and know how to apply it in their life. Bible story books are not sufficient for this. They must be carefully taught from the scriptures.

Children need discipline. “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Pr 22:6). The Hebrew for train means to narrow the path. We train them diligently in the right path to take, by blocking the wrong paths so they must go the right way. We have to be present with them to do this. It is a 24/7 task. Absentee parents do not love their children.

This takes patient effort on the part of parents. It is easier to relax watching the football and not get up to correct your child when he or she needs it. He who spares the rod hates his child (Pr 13:24). The child must know the cost of disobedience. His soul must be delivered from hell (Pr 23:14).

Discipline must not be abusive. It must not be done in anger, but in self-control, for the child’s good, not for our own satisfaction. It must not wound the child’s body in any way. It must be consistent, not allowing one thing one day and something different on another day. Alternatives to the rod are harmful. The rod is quick and is then over. Emotional discipline is abusive. Sanctions are drawn out. The Bible not surprisingly is correct in its prescriptions.

We must know what our children are doing at any time and who they are with. We should not allow them to have as friends other children whose families do not hold the same values as us. “Evil associations corrupt good manners.” (1 Cor 15:33). This is not optional. As sure as night follows day, whether we like it or not, bad influences will corrupt children. We are not smarter than God.

This is not unnecessarily shielding the child. The child should be nurtured at a young age until he or she has the maturity to make the right decisions. Teenagers generally cannot make right decisions, because they do not have the life experience. We can destroy them by giving them too much freedom too early.

We do not make a person swim in the sewage to make them immune to disease. Neither should we allow children to mix with immoral people to teach them how to handle the world. Train them with godly influences and when they grow up they will not depart from them.

There should be communication, happiness, love and light heartedness in the home. There should be sports, entertainment and time spent with the children showing them home and life skills. There should be open communication so children can know why we think the way we do. This enables them to grow in understanding of life. Families should talk about issues together, so children learn how to think and express themselves.

Children must be taught the work ethic from an early age. They should help in the house and work diligently at school and in sports. They should be taught to show genuine respect to elders and to others, not answering back. They must be taught not to lie. This is not only godly, but will keep them out of trouble later in life. They must see in us the right example of integrity. Our word must be true in money and in everything we say, or children will know we are hypocrites and this will harm their faith.

None of this has to do with legalism, but is the fruit of the love which God gives the born again believer. Faith works by love. When Christ lives in us, we care about others and we do what is right for them according to the scripture (Gal 5:6).