Marriage

Marriage problems are one area where the letter of the law can harm. The law is not a formula we apply legalistically to every case that arises. In some regions polygamists are saved. It is wrong to tell them that they must drive away their wives. The Holy Spirit will guide in each situation to work out what is best, in time. Each case must be treated in love on the basis of its own particular details.

Divorce and remarriage is rampant in some regions. Paul said in 1st Corinthians 7 that if the unbelieving partner departs let them depart. This means the other partner is free to remarry, but it should be clear to all that the “innocent person” is innocent. Paul then referred to Jesus (our Lord), who said that if we marry we should not leave our partner, but if we do leave, we should not remarry (1 Cor 7:10-11).

For this reason Paul said that if a man puts away his wife and marries another then he is not fit for leadership in ministry. This is what Paul meant in 1 Tim 3:2 by “husband of one wife”. The Greek and Jewish cultures of that time did not practice polygamy. The exeget Gordon Fee admits that the Greek term used in 1 Tim 3:2 refers to divorce and remarriage, not to polygamy.

If a man cannot take care of his own household, how can he take care of the household of God (1 Tim 3:5)? A leader is to be an example in family, for others to follow. When leadership compromises an issue once, the members of the church will compromise the same issue many times. Divorce and remarriage in the church multiplies when leadership does it.

In 1st Timothy 3 Paul is not applying law to leadership in the church. He is applying godly values and common sense. There is right behaviour and wrong behaviour. Grace does not change that. Some have said that Paul was making suggestions to Timothy, that we should not be legalistic about. We are not speaking of legalism, but the effect our example has on others.

If a woman is being beaten by her husband and if the husband is a drunkard and is not caring for the family and if the lives of the wife and children are in danger, or if the husband is sexually unfaithful, then that man is a covenant breaker and has departed from the marriage, even though he may be boarding in the house.

In such cases the wife may in time remarry in the Lord. If the first husband later be saved, then he must move on in the grace of God and not go back to the first marriage. This principle is even in the law (Deut 24:1-4). He cannot go back to the first marriage if the woman has remarried.

Marriage is a very crucial matter. Do not marry someone who confesses Christ, but someone who has the real Spirit of Christ shown by fruit. Know the person well before you agree to marry them. Once you make your bed you must lie in it. With patience build your house!